SECURITY. Beyond the basic needs of food, water, etc., security is the number one need for a man to be happy. Security of health, employment, family, and partner. You may not have much control over some of these, although if you are a good partner, you will certainly encourage the man you love to eat well, exercise regularly, abstain from drugs – including alcohol and tobacco – and all these things contribute to security of health. In today’s economy, security of employment is always at risk. Realize this and acknowledge to yourself and to him that even if his employment isn’t certain, you will still be there and the two of you will face and conquer it together. You have much more control over the security of partner and family. A man will be happier knowing his relationship is secure and that his family, whether parents and siblings or children, are at peace with his partner. Do your best to be a peacemaker.
PEACE. Speaking of peacemaking, men need peace. They are happiest when they can be in the same room with their partner and have a peaceful feeling. Sarcasm, hatefulness and grudges create tension and are counterproductive in a relationship. They indicate unhappiness in you, his partner, and show your lack of respect for him.
RESPECT. Real respect, not forced because of threat of violence. If you have a partner who threatens violence, he is not someone you should respect, and you should remove yourself from the relationship if counseling doesn’t change his problems. The kind of respect that makes a man happy is the kind that you give willingly because he has earned it by being a good partner himself. When he meets your needs, don’t be stingy with your admiration. Respect his views, his individuality, his privacy, and his self-esteem.
SELF-ESTEEM. This is true of both men and women. We are happy when we feel good about ourselves. Steps 1 through 3 above will help accomplish this self-esteem and allow him to be playful and have fun.
TO BE A LITTLE BOY. Yes, men really are big, little boys. And why not? That’s one of the things that is most attractive about them. Whether it’s their love of cars, their crude comments, or their need to be nurtured, it’s often the little boy in them that draws us to them initially. Don’t forget that throughout your relationship and don’t expect it to change (nor should it) just because the two of you are in a relationship.
SEX. Of course – as humans, that’s one of our basic drives and one of our happiest and luckiest attributes. Early in a relationship sex is not usually a problem…you both want it, you both get it. But as time goes by and life intervenes, the fun and romance of sexual intimacy can be lost. It can become a victim of our calendars, and making love ends up somewhere between baseball practice and dirty laundry. A healthy sexual relationship, which depends on communication and an awareness of each other, is an absolute necessity for a man’s happiness. Don’t make time – take time! Instead of putting date night on the calendar, take time to stop loading the dishwasher or whatever long enough to respond to his arousal from just being near you. Get your priorities straight!
PURPOSE. No man can be happy without a purpose. He may be satisfied, he may be surviving, but he won’t be happy. His purpose may be professional, it may be familial, it may be self-realizational, or many other things, but he must have a purpose to be happy. Do what you can to help him search for, recognize, and progress in whatever is purposeful to him.
PERSONAL SPACE. Men need personal space to breathe, to think, to plan, to grow. Be secure in your relationship with your partner, and give him space of his own.
