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COMMUNICATION SECRET #1: Truly Listen
In order for a man to respect your feelings and needs, he needs to feel safe to share his true feelings with you. And the way to do that is to show him you’re not just venting your feelings but rather truly interested in what he has to say.
Men – just like women – need to feel like it’s okay to have their feelings, and that they will be heard and respected. And when they realize their partner isn’t really listening or interested in who they truly are or how they truly feel, they will start to shut off bit by bit.
So, approach difficult conversations with a spirit of negotiation. Understand that he has his own reasons for feeling the way he does, and listen with the intent of reaching an agreement that pleases both of you.
COMMUNICATION SECRET #2: Quiet the Criticism
There’s something absolutely critical you need to get about men if you want to enjoy a lasting relationship that feels easy and like a fit for you and for the man you’re with. It’s this: men do not respond to criticism in relationships. Now, this might sound obvious; but women often accidentally end up criticizing a man in an effort to make the relationship better. You’ll say, “I think we need to do more romantic things together,” and all he’ll most likely hear is, “You’re a lousy boyfriend.”
In the end, even subtle criticism will motivate a man to distance himself from you and see your relationship as a negative place he needs to get away from in order to feel better about himself.
When you think about it, criticism is just one way to try and create change and to motivate someone (a man) to do something differently.
COMMUNICATION SECRET #3: Show Appreciation
A man wants to be respected for his thoughts and actions, and the way you communicate this to him is by showing appreciation.
So start noticing the different ways he makes you happy, and thank him for it – often. Acknowledge even the smallest things he does that you like. Show him how he adds to your life, rather than focusing on the things that bother you. Don’t worry about him thinking that you’re faking your appreciation; just genuinely be grateful for the good things he does, and he will be more inclined to keep doing them. When a man does not feel he is contributing positively to your life, his attraction for you wanes; and it will be much more difficult for him to stay engaged in the relationship.
Appreciation is the fuel that feeds a man’s passion for you and makes him not want to leave your side.
Source eHarmony
